OOTD: à la mode playsuit // Adulthood


Recently I have discovered that I am a huge procrastinator. I knew I was a procrastinator before but these last few weeks have made me realise just how addicted to procrastination I actually am. When it comes to coursework/revising - I get it done. When it comes to life - nothing. The thought of turning 18 in just three short months (exactly to this day) terrifies me and although I know the number won't change who I am, what I'm doing or anything really relevant to my life at the moment, it's still extremely daunting.

It might be selfish to say so but being like a child, acting like a child, having little responsibility like a child is what I love most about my life. Up until recently I've been so care free and relaxed, but reality is suddenly hitting me hard. This time next year I'll be moved out of my house and living somewhere brand new with new people and new things to learn. Don't get me wrong, that part is exciting, but just the idea of adulthood scares me. I still feel like I'm about 13 years old.
I know that I desperately need to conquer this fear before it starts taking over my life. I've already completely stopped having driving lessons because I feel "too emotionally young to drive" and my first draft for my personal statement was due in yesterday...have I done it? Nope, I've not even started.

 




I suppose people have always talked about "the future", but I guess the future is now. It's always been "prepare for your future", "get good grades for your future", "get a job to help you get a better job in the future", etc etc. I'm only beginning to realise that all this stuff I've been preparing for my whole life is happening now and I hate it. Honestly, I didn't know just how fast my life at school/sixth form would go. As a younger student, I constantly complained about school but now I'm slowly beginning to figure out that I've loved this stage of my life. With just one year left to go, I'm determined to make the most of it.







Although at the moment my thoughts are mostly negative, I know adulthood will have it's advantages. Along with the added perks of being able to buy alcoholic drinks and no longer having to fill in parental permission forms (which are an absolute pain in the backside) there's also the respect you receive from other people. As a 17 year old people often perceive me to be young and teenage minded. It still surprises people when I tell them I've had 6 jobs in my life, lived in multiple different countries, moved several times and been in relationships. If I've managed that already then why am I so much more afraid of adulthood than those who have next to no life experience? I guess you could say the reason is because I'm so relaxed about life changes when they're made for me. Parents decide we're moving - fine let's go. Work has no need for me in the job anymore - fine, I'll find another job. Teacher puts me in for an extra exam because they think I'll do well at it - fine I'll work harder. The moment anyone gives me a decision to make for myself, I cripple. I crumble under the pressure. It's only recently that I've been learning to deal with this and am becoming more independent.






Clinging onto people is my speciality. It's like I need them to survive. Whether it's friends or family, I need people in my life to hold me up and I think that sometimes it's unhealthy. Last year was the year I finally came out of my shell and this year I'm determined to stay out of it. I always grasped onto other people for support so when I lost them it felt like my heart had been thrown in a dark pit it could never get out of. Even if it was something as simple as falling out with a friend for a few hours, it broke my heart every time. I was so dependent on everyone around me and if I was still like this today I know that adulthood would seem 100x scarier.
I'm so thankful to myself that I managed to gain real confidence in my previous academic year. It was the year I finally felt like I could be myself and the first year I finally started to feel independent. It was the year I overcame my anxiety, the year I got a job I love and a raise for working hard, the year I passed all my as-levels (AAAB) and the year I finally came out as gay.







Looking back at that year I know that I'm 100% ready for adulthood, I just don't want to be. These last couple of years of my "childhood" have been incredibly amazing and open and happy so I'm terrified that going into the big wide world as an alone 18 year old will change my current positive mind-set. I can only hope that it becomes even more positive instead of heading in the opposite direction!

I'm trying to transition myself into thinking that this new chapter of my life will be just as fun as the last couple of years, but change is a very hard thing for me to wrap my head around. I had so much inconsistency in my early childhood that feeling settled has made me feel like I belong. Another big change happening in my life is a scary thought and although I'm nervous and pretty much peeing my pants about it, I think I'm finally ready. So bring on my last year of exams, friendship drama, and coursework pissing me off - it's going to be great.

Georgia x
 
Playsuit // Topshop
 
Blazer // Depop
 
Shoes // New Look
 

13 comments

  1. Don't worry, you will feel exactly the same when you do turn 18. I am 27 and I still feel like a teenager and have told myself adulthood doesn't start until 30 haha :)

    Lauren x | www.laurenapowers.blogspot.com

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  2. it makes me happy to see you embracing everything that comes your way and relishing your last year of "childhood". i'm eighteen, and i just got to university (like, last week), and even though i was scared about being pushed into independence, i'm starting to see that it's not that bad. (and i'm a person with zero life experience, by your description.) i guess that's what university is for--not just higher education, but easing kids into adulthood.

    http://hellokuo.blogspot.com/

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  3. Wow this post was so amazing! Always stay true to yourself!

    Brunette-ish | A Beauty Blog

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  4. Age doesn't matter and age is just a number, you will always feel whatever age you want to feel like. I am almost 30 and I am still watching cartoons and doing silly things and I definitely don't feel like my age but younger :) Beautiful photos and your hair looks fab xx

    www.elabellaworld.com

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  5. Thank you for always stopping by my blog.I kinda feel the same.Life can be so exhausting and scary.I'm the same age as you so I feel this transition between child and adult and I don't like it that much.People treat you and expect from you to like change so much and grow in some things but that scaries me so much.I love your outfit btw.,have a nice day

    www.makeartnotlove.blogspot.com

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  7. When I turned 21 I felt the same as you do. But hey, I enjoy my life right now. As I grow up I keep telling myself to explore more than I was younger. Hope you have amazing life as well. Anyway you look simply chic and the blazer is so lovely.

    Marlia xx | marliafransiska.blogspot.com

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  8. I love how you styled this chic and simple outfit with those shoes. You look great !

    Style..A Pastiche! - New Posts - Hats

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  9. Love these photos, you are so beautiful!

    http://www.abigailalicex.com

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  10. I love your outfit~! Your style is super cute <33

    http://alluringalyssbeauty.blogspot.com/

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  11. You look great! Love this chic outfit of yours and how you accessorized it.

    New Posts - OOTD - Bluestone Peacock Collection

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  12. Your so pretty! Lovely photos and the outfits so chic! x

    Jenny | Krystel Couture

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  13. Nice pictures :-) You look so happy :-)

    Swanted
    www.swanted.de

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